Bea has packed several “darling little shift dresses for the evening and a rather stunning bikini”. Charlie has had all of her superfluous hair waxed off of her body and is staying overnight with us. Lou came out of her rehab top-up today and attended a group therapy session entitled “How to Cope in A Crowd”. Janey has issued instructions to Darren and his housemates about “having no parties while I’m away mate or the wedding’s off”. Auntie Ivy has bought an Ibiza travel guide and keeps ringing me and Janey up with little titbits of information that she thinks we’ll find interesting. Sue had a mishapwith the fake tan and is bathing in lemon juice to try and tone the orange tint down.
I didn’t watch the recent programme entitled “Terror in the Skies” by the way. Foolishly, Charlie did. She’s taking miniature bottles of vodka to swig at the boarding gate.
Passport, money and emailed flight confirmation? Check.
Faint sense that I’m abandoning my husband, child and dogs? Check.
Sweets for journey - mints for car journeys, boiled sweets for take off and landing? Check.
Notebook for jotting down blog entries? Check.
Books for burying head into when it all becomes too much? Check.
Suntan cream and aftersun? Check.
Slight fear of plane actually crashing. Check.
Slight fear of Bea becoming hysterical when surrounded by “people who frequent budget airlines darling”. Check.
Above fear mounting alarmingly? Check.
Fears that I’m about to enter a Size Zero hell and spend all day stuffing my face to compensate? Check.
Knowledge that if Janey says just one more time “Ooh, it’s gonna be like Big Brother innit?” I shall hit her. Check.
Oh, and suitcase! Check!
Toodle pip my lovely friends!