Ding Dong Merrily on High

All is calm and peaceful in the Nunhead Mum household. The reason? Jack Next Door has taken Amelia out for "a drive". I feel he sensed my growing tension when he dropped off his contribution to Christmas Day (one table, four chairs, several bottles of wine, a Christmas cake and some peanuts) and suggested a "nice day out on Tuesday". She ummed and aahed for a bit (citing my failure to work out the table placement, sort out the defrosting times etc etc etc as reasons for not going) before agreeing. Especially when I tasked her with picking up the turkeys from the farm in Tunbridge. As I type, the wine is mulling, the tree lights are twinkling, the pork is defrosting and I'm having some "me" time.

David has heroically agreed to go shopping for me to get the last minute bits and pieces (top of my list, Christmas pudding) but won't be doing it until around midnight tonight. I'm not sure why he thinks that the good people of Dulwich and the surrounding area will be tucked up in their beds at that time and not in Sainsburys with him but I'm not going to disillusion him.

Mac has bagged up some toys that he doesn't play with any more so that a) we can take it to the St Christopher's shop after Christmas and b) so he has room for all of his new toys. This he did with little or no argument which brought a tear to my eye and made me a very proud mummy. "There are lots of children who aren't as lucky as you are sweetheart" I said to him as an opening gambit yesterday afternoon. "I'm very lucky mummy" he said, shooting me a winning smile which made me go weak at the knees. When I suggested that he give some of his old toys away, he promised he'd do it tomorrow morning. He spoiled it slightly but saying, as he went upstairs, "especially the broke ones"

Auntie Ivy has bought over enough mince pies to feed the entire Avenue - "I thought I'd bring them today rather than on Thursday" she said, sniffing the air delicately as she unwound her scarf from her neck. That woman can smell mulled wine at fifty paces. Janey, she informed me as she demolished a glass of the steaming brew, is currently in Bluewater panic buying Darren's Christmas present. "I've just given money this year" she added, spotting Amelia's Special Cup and Saucer on the draining board and enquiring where my mother in law was. When I told her she was getting the turkeys from the farm she asked if they would be ready plucked. I told her that I plucking well hoped so.

Now that it's just me and Mac (we've watched Robbie the Reindeer and I've been forced to put the Lion King on the DVD) I'm having a little bit of a panic about the next couple of days.

Tomorrow I've got to do all my last minute bits and pieces include cook two sodding great turkeys. This will mean fending off enquiries from Amelia as to whether or not I'm basting them too much or not enough. Boiling a ham for Boxing Day to take to Bea's (I think she's regretting giving her staff Christmas Day off as she's having to "go places with the hoover that I never knew existed") and sorting out the placement for Christmas dinner. Oh, and allowing Amelia in my kitchen so that she can cook Christmas Eve dinner of.....I'm not sure what yet but she mentioned "stewing" something. David's sister Ginny tried to get out of dinner by arriving first thing Christmas morning but Amelia put a stop to her gallop.

On the Big Day itself I'm most looking forward to the present opening. I'm hoping David will like his Armani Diamonds and his new scarf and that Mac will show more interest in his presents rather than the boxes. Amelia will bill and coo over her presents because I'll drop lots of hints that her precious son chose them all himself (he didn't but if I admitted I'd bought the monstrous crystal thing then she'll hate it). Ginny will be grateful for any gift because, as she says, she so rarely gets them. "The Colonel thinks he can get away with giving me a Terry's Chocolate Orange and a quick fumble".

And then the guests will arrive. Apart from us three, Amelia and Ginny we've got.....(pause here to take huge deep gust of air).....Dad, Bea, Stephen, Ian and Caitlin; Daisy, Ivy, Jim, Janey, Darren and Scarlett; Lydia, Matt and Freddie; Jack Next Door; Charlie and Frank and Marjorie Stewart. I don't think I've missed anyone out (if I have then I shall just smile sweetly and squish them in round the table). Just the 23 for dinner then.

Boxing Day will be spent making Mum's Special Soup, undoing buttons of my jeans and trying to suggest that David takes his mother and Mac out so that the dogs and I can break wind (them) and eat (me) without hearing any Tutting From Amelia.

Have yourself a Merry Little Christmas!!!!!!