Saturday, 10 May 2008

The Great Escape

Amelia is driving me insane. I've been near to tears on two occasions today: the first because she informed me that my new wedge shoes make my legs look like "tree trunks" and the second time was when she pronounced dinner (home-made quiche lorraine and salad) "inedible, the quiche was extremely wet".

David has recognised that I'm teetering on the edge of the very brink and is sending me up for a bath. He's lit candles, poured me a glass of something, produced a bar of Galaxy as if by magic (it's not from my secret stash, I've checked) and has given me a kiss on the top of my head. Amelia is making him sit through some ridiculous film she's found on an obscure Sky channel but will no doubt talk all the way through it.

In fact, I can hear her banging on about the correct way to cook a quiche from the bedroom where I'm Googling "how not to react badly/emotionally to anything that a vicious old bag says" on David's laptop. And, for some reason, I'm humming this.

10 comments:

Merry said...

That made me laugh. Thank you! I'm having an extremely depressing day and really needed a laugh. And I don't even have a mother-in-law.

Merry said...

Um... I meant the You Tube video made me laugh.

Belle said...

Poor you. Take a deep breath..

Mine's new habit is to sit in the kitchen with my husband after dinner (which I've cooked for her) having consumed a bottle of wine (+) and to slag me off whilst I'm sitting next door on my computer.

We only live in a little London terrace.. doesn't she realise I can hear every word.

I'm with you sister..

x

Belle said...

ps that is HYSTERICAL that youtube. I too am in stitches x

aims said...

She's thinking that Mother's day is all about her and only her - isn't she! The bag....

Crystal Jigsaw said...

Blimey, I have to admit that I'm glad I don't have inlaws anymore. Just sit back and enjoy the galaxy. She does have a cheek though!

CJ xx

Blossomcottage said...

I would tell you to sit back and enjoy the Galaxy and the wine but I bags the wine 'cos it says Blossom Hill and as I'm Blossom Cottage it must be mine. As for M in L tell her to go for a 5 mile walk every day and with a bit of luck after 7 days she will be 35 miles away!
Blossom

Nunhead Mum of One said...

Merry, I haven't stopped humming it since - she's spent most of today shooting me Foul Looks!

Belle, why do they do it? Is it because we've got their precious sons? She's been "on and off the lavatory" all day - she hasn't actually said that my quiche was at fault but I can sense her thinking it.

Aims, she is yes. Or a "baggage" as my friend Adam called her!

CJ, did you know that Galaxy melts if you eat it in the bath? Even more so if you drop it in the water......

Blossom, okay, can we share it? I have more than one bottle.....

Blossomcottage said...

Yep we can share so longs we both have a bottle!!!
Blossom

Scale Junkie said...

I find it a lot easier to stop myself from contemplating smashing the empty wine bottle over my old vicious old bags head with an ocean between us. In fact, a lot of my Sunday post was about her past antics, I do feel your pain.

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I'm a mum of one, wife of one and owner to several dogs, a variety of breeds and sizes. I live in the up and coming area (or so they say) of Nunhead and have mad neighbours, strange friends and certifiable relatives. I shop locally, although I do defect to Sainsburys once a week - shoot me now local shopkeepers.