Wednesday, 1 October 2008


Having reached that "certain" age I'm noticing some unpleasant things happening to my skin. I have developed panda eyes, dry skin on my cheeks and some lines around my eyes that not even Bio-oil eradicates. My shins look scaly and my elbows are horrid. Bea has had a skin care regime since she was 14 and sticks rigidly to it (apart from nights where she can be found face down in a vat of vino or "too overworked darling" to find her bed let alone her night cream) and is constantly on at me to develop my own. "Taking off your make up with baby lotion and bunging on a bit of oil isn't working any more darling, you need to exfoliate, to moisturise, to plump, to get with the whole skin care programme - do you want to look like a hag when you're older?" This latter comment is always, if we're at her house, directed at a picture of her mother in law that resides on the mantlepiece.

Charlie is a fan of Clinique and looks like she has an outlet in her bathroom - Lydia, on the other hand, comes from the School of Slatternly Skin Care Regimes just like me. "Erm, some avocado face cream that I got from Avon about five years ago" she answered to my question of "what beauty products do you use?"

David hasn't said anything about my careworn appearance apart from asking me if I was tired not two minutes after I got up on Sunday despite the fact that I was wide awake and raring to go. It was at that point that I decided to do something productive. Janey dragged me to Bluewater on Monday and forced me into a makeover chair. A twelve year old glossy haired minx appeared with a magnifying mirror and a very bright light and made tutting noises for a full fifteen minutes. She then proceeded to slather me in various lotions and potions, one of which made me feel as if my face was on fire. "Ids nod a facial peel ith id?" I asked through clenched teeth. Twelve year old minx shook her head and started totting up the total of everything that "a woman of your age and - eeeeesssshhhhh - skin condition should require". The "eeeeessssshhhh" was a sharp intake of breath that made me feel incredibly guilty and ancient.

The total cost of everything I should require made me feel very glad I was seated. I wiped everything off my mush, thanked her politely, collected Janey from the perfume counter where she was complaining that "everything smells like freesias now I'm pregnant" and we came home. For a sulk. I was obviously so beyond help that it would take a good few hundred quid to put right. David tiptoed round me all night but, helpfully, bought in a bottle of Olay.

Talking to Jane Opposite yesterday morning (hiding my hideous dry and scaly complexion) we got talking about my awful trip to Bluewater. "I tell you what, you don't look a day over 30" she said, peering at me closely. "Really?" I enquired brightly. She then went on to recommend Philosophy "I've been using it for ages, it's bloody fantastic" she added, giving me her face to study. I have to admit, she's got a few years on me and looks as fresh as the typical daisy. "No make up on today nor nothing" she went on. "I only tend to put the slap on when I go out these days and as I hardly go out then I hardly ever wear the slap!". I left her musing her lack of social life and got surfing.

QVC. Where would I be without it?


jenny smith said...

Oh I hate those facial peels! And i also think they're rubbish anyway.

I used to use hoards of Clinique when I was younger, used to spend a fortune. NOw I only use the soap and the occasional lipstick from them.

I'm not sure any of those products really work but I do like those Ulay daily facials - you can get them in Tesco - and they're disaposable exfoliating sponges. You might know them already.

The thing I hate is that my lips get so dry now. Any lipstick i put on sticks and clings after an hour or so. I could wear lipstick and not apply it again all day when i was younger - sob!

Hope you feel better about yourself today.


Tara@From Dawn Till Rusk said...

Nunhead, you've come to the right girl! I'm a total product junkie and believe me I have tried them all - hideously expensive to embarassingly cheap.
Clinique? Uh ur. Philosophy? Lovely but quite expensive. I can highly recommend Liz Earle (which I think they do sell on QVC!). It's really natural and I've even converted my husband to using their men's facewash - and he's a rugby playing geeza!

Potty Mummy said...

Or, if none of those work, Dermalogica is fab...

nappy valley girl said...

REN is very nice. You can get it at Space NK. Smells lovely. Otherwise I swear by Body Shop Vitamin E cream.

Mind you, I used to work on a cosmetics trade magazine many moons ago, and basically they are all pretty much the same, whatever you pay for them.

(btw, it is I, valley girl, with a slight name rebrand...)

Can Bass 1 said...

My dear, I have the perfect solution for your problem and I am prepared to divulge it, gratis. it is this: join the church. I did, years ago (albeit in a lay capacity); the lighting (candles, usually) is so dim no-one notice my aged skin, everyone has grey hair (except the choirboys) and you get to wear a cassock, covering a multitude of sins. I can highly recommend it!

Nunhead Mum of One said...

Hi Jenny.....I'm a sucker for anything that promises me smoother skin and no lines! Such a shame it doesn't work!

Tara....I LOVE lotions and potions and have Avon in my favourites! Liz Earle looks good but I first have to get over the fact that I find her a tidge, erm, smug! not that that would prevent her day cream working I guess!

Potty, believe me, am tempted!

Valley'll always be Valley Girl to me!

Can Bass....I hear that caftans have the same affect!

All about me

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Nunhead, London, United Kingdom
I'm a mum of one, wife of one and owner to several dogs, a variety of breeds and sizes. I live in the up and coming area (or so they say) of Nunhead and have mad neighbours, strange friends and certifiable relatives. I shop locally, although I do defect to Sainsburys once a week - shoot me now local shopkeepers.