Mac will be going to Queen Bee Mummy’s son Oliver’s Halloween party as Frankenstein. Well, this is the current favourite guise, others include a wizard “but not Harry Popper mummy” and a ghost “a really scary one” but who knows what it will be tomorrow. I’ve given him a deadline: I need to know by end of school on Friday so I can spend the weekend amassing equipment/accessories and panicking that I’ll be given two out of ten and nil for effort by Queen Bee Mummy.
Lydia has decided against a natural birth after seeing a childbirth video at her parenting class. “It was awful” she kept wailing as she shredded tissues on my sofa. “Blood and guts and…..gunk and stuff” she added as I handed her a bowl of homemade vegetable soup. Neither of us ate it.
Auntie Ivy has decided that valium and driving do not mix. “I’m trying the herbal tablets now, I can’t keep me eyes open!”. Her driving style is best described as kamikaze and she is the scourge of lollipop ladies in the area. Uncle Jim has refused to get in the car with her and I thought Janey was going to expire when Ivy suggested that she take Scarlett to Bluewater on Sunday.
David is trying to convince his sister Ginny that she should have Amelia over to hers for Christmas. “I couldn’t face her continuously asking you if you’d basted the turkey ever again” he said on Monday morning as he left for work.
Unbeknown to him, Ginny has decided to grace us with her presence for Christmas Day and Boxing Day this year as “her gang” will all be with their families over the festive period and she can’t face a “solitary turkey leg and stuffing”.
Also unbeknown to him, Amelia has already been onto Giles and has ordered us two turkeys for Christmas “I’m assuming you’ll have the usual suspects for dinner” she said when she rang to tell me, oooh, half an hour ago.
Marjorie is planning on a ginormous Christmas tree for her front garden and to cover it in enough lights to cause the National Grid to go into meltdown. “I’m not having some Johnny Come Lately swan around as if she’s It” Marjorie sniffed as she popped in to ask me if I needed anything knitted. “Mrs Mellish wants to know if Mac needs a school scarf?”
Matthew has emailed me with a request that we invite him “Lyds and the baby for Christmas dinner cos Lyds won’t feel up to doing it and I’ve never stuffed a turkey in my life”.
Bea has decided that she will once again host the “Bonfire Party to end all Bonfire Parties” on the Saturday after the actual day. “It means a lot of work darling but it’s so enjoyable – just please remind David not to tack any Catherine wheels to my apple tree, it hasn’t recovered yet”.
I’ve decided that I’m going to let everything just wash over me and try to maintain my sanity by eating copious amounts of satsumas (don’t you just love it when they come into the shops), extraordinary amounts of Quality Street (buy now for trick or treaters AND Christmas) and blogging all about it!