Tuesday, 14 October 2008


My mother in law is still here. She was supposed to leave on Sunday. She has enough clothes to last until "until Saturday dear". My kitchen has been reorganised beyond recognition. Ditto the bathroom: "why do you keep your bath lotions on the little shelf above the bath?". She is cooking tomorrow night and has given me a shopping list the length of my arm. The house is like a sauna as she's cold - we are all walking around half naked resulting in comments such as "Joanna, do you really think you should start going to the gym again". Charlie arrived this evening for a visit and was on the premises for five minutes when Amelia pointed out that she must "have a home of her own to go to" and practically bundled her out the door. "Bromley, Thursday night" Charlie mouthed, knowing that resistance is futile. David has a headache. I'm not saying anything but my body language is screaming at him. He suggested that he take her home on Thursday morning. Amelia laughed at this suggestion and went back to arranging the DVDs in alphabetical order. David informed her he'd take her home on Thursday morning. She shot him a look, told him not to be silly, ran her finger along the top of the DVD cupboard and asked me if I had "such a thing as a duster".

Can you tell that I. Am. A. Bit. Tense?


aims said...

Someone once asked me if my name was short for Amelia. Reading the exploits of your MIL I am thankful and grateful that my answer is NO!

I have always thought of this every time you mention her. Haven't a clue why except that perhaps that personality goes along with the name? Who knows but I think a tall large bottle of something quite bubbly with lots of alcohol content - and a locked bathroom door with a deep bubbly bath and dare I say - earphones? might be just the answer.

You can dose her up with the whole bottle - submerge her in the tub and the earphones will help drown out the screaming.


Potty Mummy said...

Am desparately trying to think of something you could say to try and get rid of her... Max has lice? The pest control people need to get in to fumigate her room? But I know it's futile. You could just wear earplugs?

rosiero said...

Slip sedatives in her tea?

nappy valley girl said...

What about pretending the heating is broken (seeing as she likes the temperature so high)? Or a nice draught coming in from somewhere could send her scuttling back! what a nightmare.

Nunhead Mum of One said...

Aims, good plan! she's cooked a hideous stew (with rock hard dumplings) for dinner tonight, she'll sink without trace!

Potty Mummy.....am going for the "fingers in my ears and singing la-la-la-can't-hear-you" approach. Childish I know but it's driving her mad which I hope will propel her out of the door.

Roserio....good plan, she's partial to a Horlicks before she goes to bed!

Nappy Valley Girl....David's ahead of you there, the thermostat is now "broken" and can only heat at a much more civilised level. She's currently draped in a fleece on the sofa, she looks a thinner Yoda!

Millennium Housewife said...

Leave a vibrator in her bed. She'll run. MH

Potty Mummy said...

MH. You are the dogs.

SAVanVleck said...

Oh, I feel do bad for you. My mother is obssessive compulsive and does not drive. I have to take her everywhere, even though I am never good enough--at anything.

When I had to move in with her, when my daughters were little, I had to cut the hair really short on one of them because it made mother sick to see her get her hair in her mouth at the table. Plus, if I bathed them (which I did daily)I would get her tub dirty, so I couldn't.

Now she wants to move in with me.

Oh, I feel so bad for you.

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Nunhead, London, United Kingdom
I'm a mum of one, wife of one and owner to several dogs, a variety of breeds and sizes. I live in the up and coming area (or so they say) of Nunhead and have mad neighbours, strange friends and certifiable relatives. I shop locally, although I do defect to Sainsburys once a week - shoot me now local shopkeepers.