“Mummy, please don’t do anything strange today” Mac pleaded this morning as we entered the school gates for the penultimate time. He was, of course, heading for his day at nursery and I was heading to pick up my instructions for the Parents Evening tonight. I promised nothing as I waved him off, even though I’m bound to get the same request from David. School Secretary looked harassed when I joined the other mummies in the hall - I’m being shunned by Green Mummy, Overly Hearty Mummy, Keen to Fit In Mummy, Cagoule Mummy and Alex's Mummy Joy following the contretemps at the school gate last week and they moved, as one, to the opposite side of the room away from me. I was to be Refreshments with Dawn (“Mrs Ashley”) as my helper. Quite how I get myself into these situations I’m not sure.
The school summer fete last Saturday was interesting to say the least. I was in charge of the tombola and had to referee between three women, all of whom for some reason had the same colour winning raffle ticket, and all three of whom were determined to be the one to walk away with the Top Prize: a bottle of Harveys Bristol Cream Sherry.
Tonight is when we see just how prepared for Big School our little boy is. He’s been making casual comments of the “don’t worry if I haven’t got a very big bit of wall” variety which leads me to believe he hasn’t applied himself very well and David to fear for his place at the London Nautical. “Alex’s mummy has bought a special portfolio box for all of his artwork” I said this morning as we headed out the door. Mac gave me a look to suggest that, for his masterpieces, a Tesco’s carrier bag would do.
Tomorrow is his End of Term Picnic and we’ve all been asked to provide refreshments “home made if possible and understanding of any dietary requirements/restrictions”. I left Dawn pondering whether or not she could get away with a 2 litre bottle of Tizer and a packet of KP Nuts. I think she was joking.
“What will we be doing when I finish school mummy?” Mac asked me last night before giving me a verbal list that requires me to win a significant amount on the Lottery. It seems that only non-stop trips to the cinema, bowling alley, theme parks, amusement parks and the seaside will satisfy my child this summer. My friend Rosie has got a madcap idea of buying a tent and pitching it in a random field and getting back to nature. What’s really crazy is that she thinks that Mac and I should join her and Ben on this loopy excursion.
I haven’t told him, just in case he adds camping to his list of “must-do’s”.