Induction irritation

My boss Iris rang me on Friday – my first thought was that she wanted me to actually come into work (I was halfway through a gorgeous ham and cheese Panini at the time) but no, she just wanted to see how I was and to pass on some information. I’m an “adhoc” member of her admin team, or as Iris calls me “a floater”. This means that I can be called upon to cover the sick leave or annual leave of any member of her team across the whole hospital. Unfortunately, the term floater doesn’t impress me much and causes much hilarity amongst my colleagues. Iris is oblivious to this but it’s something I’m going to raise when I have my appraisal at the end of February – not that I’m not a “team player” and “one of the gang” but I object to being put on a par with, no, I’m not even going to say it. Sensitive, moi?

Anyway, Friday lunchtime and her dulcet tones are booming down the line at me - my induction training has been set for this Thursday. “Yes, yes, I know, it’s pointless, I know you’ve already done one but as far as They are concerned you’re a new member of staff” Iris yawned. “They” are Der Management and/or Human Resources and a fair amount of (deserved) derision is sent in their direction. My first induction was when I’d been in the job for two weeks, back in 2000. My marriage caused them a fair bit of concern too – they tried to send me back to induction training because all of a sudden, this “new” person appeared on their database. Human Resources were “confused” at the fact that I had changed my name – they obviously didn’t get any of the twelve million emails sent about my hen night and pre-wedding knees up in the social club.

So now, having been on extended maternity leave and a bit of a career break, I rejoined the workforce and the rat race in October last year and I’ve reappeared on HR’s database and this time they’ve got their wish – I need to be reinducted. The fact that it’ll just be a repeat of what I already know is besides the point, the fact that I’ve been back at work for nigh on four months already is besides the point and the fact that it’s half term and I’ve got to arrange childcare for Thursday afternoon is also very much besides the point – as long as I’ve got that bit of paper in my file which won’t ever get looked at or referred to ever again……..mutter, whinge, moan, grrr.

Matthew has been called in to help, persuaded by his father to spend some time with his younger brother. Not that he needed much persuasion to be fair, according to Lydia Matt leapt around the room when he was asked to have him for the day and his planning a return to his own childhood. Mac is extremely happy to be spending time with his big brother and wants to do “lots and lots of…..things mummy”. For my own sanity I’m not going to ask what he has planned – I’ll only be fretting whilst listening to the Head of HR and Staff Management drone on and on about “how to lift a box safely” and what to do “in the event of a fire”.

Answers on a post card please…..