Monday, 19 March 2007

News from the Front

Lydia is thinking of selling up and moving away from "that harlot and the b*stard". This is a disaster on two counts according to David.

1 Who Knows Who We'll Get As Neighbours Next

2 Mike will be Cock of The Walk which is plainly annoying his macho pride (David's not Mike's)

It's more of a disaster for Lydia if she stays, apparently

1 Mike and Susan are "in her face 24/7"

2 His mother is visiting every weekend and makes a point of parking her car outside Lydia's house

3 She's so far at the end of her tether she can't find her tether at all.

Solutions from yours truly, hopefully to keep David and Lydia happy:

1 Our car to be parked at all times outside Lydia's house to foil the smug parker

2 Engage Lydia more in our life, including her in outings, introduce her to suitable eligible accountants etc and generally take her into our fold.

3 Feign disinterest when Mike and Susan are around, even going to the point of laughing uproariously to suggest complete indifference

4 Start dressing in proper clothing again. And start wearing make-up.

This seems to have worked. Saskia and I are taking Lydia to our hairdressers on Thursday (she has late night girls nights) for makeover. David has parked the BMW outside her house and has several parking cones on standby in case the BMW is needed. Lydia agreed to practice nonchalant expressions whilst she's watching Eastenders. David to speak to Giles In the Office tomorrow to see if he fancies popping over this weekend, ostensibly for a game of golf but really to meet Lydia who will be casually dressed (in something other than tracksuit) and wearing some lippie whilst lounging carefully in our kitchen.

We're giving this strategy a week to see if it works. I'll keep you posted!

1 comment:

dulwichmum said...

My word but your neighbours are interesting. We try to keep ours at arms length. They are terrifyingly friendly - in a cloying velcro way...

All about me

My photo
Nunhead, London, United Kingdom
I'm a mum of one, wife of one and owner to several dogs, a variety of breeds and sizes. I live in the up and coming area (or so they say) of Nunhead and have mad neighbours, strange friends and certifiable relatives. I shop locally, although I do defect to Sainsburys once a week - shoot me now local shopkeepers.