Friday, 9 March 2007

Can open.....worms everywhere

I am deep in hell right now. In fact, I can almost feel the flicker of Satan's flames licking at my delicate flesh. Picture the scene: David away for the evening at a "stag" do (I have warned him, if he ends up in Boulougne with the "stag" he will be in deep merde), sister Bea and friends Saskia and Charlie round for a Girls Night In - lots of wine, Haagen Daaz and eating out own body weight in Kettle Chips. Ten past nine, just as we were cackling along to my much worn DVD of Dirty Dancing, the doorbell rang.

Lydia, sodden and trailing snot everywhere, on my doorstep because of her b*stard of a husband and his sl*t". Saskia, sensing some man bashing on the horizon, invited her in. Half an hour later both Saskia and Lydia are listing the faults of every man they've ever met, Bea is valiantly trying to defend certain members of the male race and Charlie drunkenly bemoaning the fact that all she wants is a man, "surely they can't all be that bad". And me? I've retreated upstairs with David's laptop. My son is fast asleep with his security blanket wrapped round him - I've left my security blanket (bottle of Baileys) downstairs which has probably been tipped down Saskia's neck by now. I can't throw them out, I can't stay up here (Bea is already worried about my bladder - she does worry so) so what shall I do? This is a real-time crisis - I might ring the Samaritans.


dulwichmum said...

Come back downstairs sweet sister, we are running out of grisini sticks.........

Natasha said...

Hey! I finally posted a new entry in my blog!

All about me

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Nunhead, London, United Kingdom
I'm a mum of one, wife of one and owner to several dogs, a variety of breeds and sizes. I live in the up and coming area (or so they say) of Nunhead and have mad neighbours, strange friends and certifiable relatives. I shop locally, although I do defect to Sainsburys once a week - shoot me now local shopkeepers.