Saturday, 17 March 2007

Just say no!


Never ever do the following:

1 Ask an accountant (however lovely, sexy and gorgeous in the bedroom he may be) to lay laminate flooring.

2 Wave your son off to Peckham Rye Park with an Eastern European au-pair and his two cousins WITHOUT packing a change of clothes, snorkel and flippers.

3 Allow a well meaning - but ultimately dippy - neighbour to look after your three dogs (of varying sizes, temperaments and good-behaviour levels) in her house which is decorated in white, creams and what she calls eau-de-nil and has stunning (and delicate/expensive/irreplaceable) knick-knacks - some dating back to her Great-Great-Great-Granny's era.

4 Wake up on a beautiful Saturday morning, with birds chirping away in the garden, your husband in an amourous mood and think "Aah, today will be a fantastic day!"

Because:

1 The strips of laminate flooring are not the same size as the room he is laminating and he can't make it fit but is instead bleating about how much it has all cost and doesn't fit.
2 He will take it upon himself to lean so far over the fence at the pond to pick up a strangely shaped stick that he will fall in head first and be unable to doggy paddle because of the gloop.

3 They are canine wrecking balls.

4 Because, if today is anything to go by, it won't be!

Haruump!

5 comments:

dulwichmum said...

Dear Nunhead Mum of One,

I'm sorry but at least they had fun! If I had looked after lamb chops for you instead of Ana, he would have returned to you a stressed out bundle of nerves - but yes he would have been dry and without a thread out of place. I know which one I would have preferred if I was Mac.

Nunhead Mum of One said...

Dearest sister

I didn't mind the fact that he came home wet and covering in, still, unidentified algae.....I minded the fact that he wanted me to take him again today! For the same reason! Apparently, the sight of Ana telling him to "be doing the breast of the stroke" was the best thing ever. And he's three. David offered to go with them today......

it is not a criticism dear one, but please ensure that your next au pair does not entrance my husband as much as Ana does!

xx

dulwichmum said...

Dearest sister,

At least it is your husband with the fixation on this occasion and not mine! (Ha, ha)

I love you dear heart.

DM

Summer said...

Wow. How depressing it all seems.

Nunhead Mum of One said...

Hi summer, not depressing - just life in Nunhead!

All about me

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Nunhead, London, United Kingdom
I'm a mum of one, wife of one and owner to several dogs, a variety of breeds and sizes. I live in the up and coming area (or so they say) of Nunhead and have mad neighbours, strange friends and certifiable relatives. I shop locally, although I do defect to Sainsburys once a week - shoot me now local shopkeepers.