Saskia’s new boyfriend Mark is an anaesthetist at the hospital where she works – trust me, he doesn’t need drugs to send his patients to sleep. Within five minutes of his arrival he told me how “meat marination works” and listed the “cuts” of the cow in a monotonous voice. Saskia, however, had secured the jug of Pimms and was deep in conversation with Charlie Lydia and was paying him no attention.
Charlie’s Super Rich New Boyfriend is, as I first thought, an arrogant, erm, well, it rhymes with “banker”. He arrived in a screech of brakes clutching a bottle of champers (which he calls shampoo) and announced “Hi, ten minutes from the City to here in my brand new and rather snazzy Maserati” by way of introduction. Charlie wound herself round him and kissed him in a way that I wasn’t comfortable with Mac watching and cooed and simpered at him. He calls her “baby doll” and she calls him “horny boy”. Frank and Marjorie’s radar must have been working overtime. Their enthusiastic greeting spoke volumes.
Bea and Stephen arrived with some “simply divine nibbles darling” and the news that Enormous Au Pair had just been left in front of a DVD of The Office and a KFC Family Feast bucket. Their present of a super duper new golf club (it’s so good it almost goes and finds your lost balls for you) went down extremely well with both David and Matt who has already asked to borrow it for a tournament he’s in at the weekend.
Andy’s present, however, caused the most excitement – he and his “life partner” Adam have just (well, a couple of weeks ago) completed buying a house at Pett Level in East Sussex and it’s gorgeous. Right on the beach and with a pub not 2 minutes up the road, both Andy and Adam plan to decamp there for the whole of August and September and we were offered the chance to stay for the weekend. We’re going down after lunch on Friday with all three dogs who, at the mere mention of the word “beach”, went absolutely mad with excitement. As did Mac this morning who wants me to get the “big plastic ball out of the gridge mummy and check it for holes”.
We’ve started packing already!