Ladies wot lunch

Me: where shall we meet for lunch?
Lydia: Not sure, where shall we go?
Me: The usual? Harvesters?
Lydia: No, am off salad carts
Me: Okay then, Nandos? The one in Lewisham?
Lydia: Erm no, Matt and I were there on Saturday and he insulted a waitress by calling her “waiter”
Me: Right, the Greenwich one then?
Lydia: Don’t know how to get there and then I’ll panic and probably have the baby early because of the shock
Me: Drive to me then and we’ll go in my car
Lydia: Okay then. Oooh, no, hold on. Do you know what I really fancy?
Me: I dread to think
Lydia: Chinese! Haven’t had Chinese for ages!
Me: Right. Hong Kong City?
Lydia: Nope, that place gives me the heebie jeebies
Me: Okay, how about the one in Greenwich? The buffet place?
Lydia: What, the one in Sydenham?
Me: No, the one in Greenwich on the one way system
Lydia: I thought that was Thai?
Me: No, it’s Chinese
Lydia: Okay then, sounds good.
Me: Are you coming to me first?
Lydia: Would it be too awful of me to ask you to come and get me and then run me home again? I’ve got terrible wind
Me: Okay, will get to you by about half 1
Lydia: Can you make it later? I’ve got a doctors appointment at 12 and won’t be ready.
Me: Isn’t your doctors still in Dulwich?
Lydia: Yep
Me: So you’ll be over here anyway, can’t you come onto me after you’ve been to the doctors?
Lydia: Oh yes. Sorry, blame my pregnancy hormones. I’ve spent all morning watching BBC2 because I’d picked up the cordless phone instead of the remote
Me: Right, so, ring me when you’re leaving the doctors and I’ll be ready
Lydia: Tell you what, I don’t really feel like going out
Me: Okaaaaaaaaaaaay……
Lydia: So I’ll ring you as I leave the doctors and you can go out and get a takeaway
Me: Why can’t you bring one in with you?
Lydia: Cos I really, really can’t face food right now.

I’ve paraphrased the whole conversation but you get the general idea……I had soup and sandwich and she worked her way through a packet of ginger nuts.