Thursday, 30 April 2009

In Nunhead, no-one can hear you scream

I'm not panicking. No way Pedro. I'm cool, calm and collected. Serenity personified I am. So what that I don't have a new outfit with which to face the First Mrs David Mitchell on Sunday at my step-grandson's Christening. So what if the outfit I had planned to wear (after dragging it from the depths of my wardrobe and spritzing it with a bit of Pure Grace) doesn't actually fit me any more. Pah! Worried, moi?

I'm not at all bothered that David arrived home this evening, scalped. He'd been to the barbers for a "quick cut" because "Kate never did like my hair brushing the back of my collar" and now looks like he's had an argument with a combine harvester. I'm not at all worried about the fact that he's done this when he knows that I like his hair slightly longer. I'm certainly not stressing about the fact that he's thinking of his first wife and her penchant for short hair. Chuh!

I am not at all remotely interested in the fact that Amelia is arriving tomorrow evening with her photograph albums to "show round at the party". And I'm certainly not worried that she's "not bringing" mine and David's wedding album to show Kate because "well, she won't be interested, will she?"

I'm not obsessing that, after demanding my help for the last couple of weeks to source balloons, the perfect cake, the snazziest table decorations and the most fantastic DJ ever, Lydia has decided that she can run the show herself from now on. David thinks that this is a good thing as it'll give me the chance to "mingle and not worry about circulating the vol-au-vents".

So, I'm not worried. Completely disinterested in the whole lot of it. You know why? Because I have a cunning plan, drawn up whilst hoovering up Baileys at a vast rate of knots ce soir.

a) go out tomorrow and buy whole new outfit. Including shoes.
b) go to Shear Class for my hair appointment on Saturday and demand to made "fabulous". Also go to nail bar and have classy French manicure stuck on.
c) display my wedding photo proudly at the "do" after the christening (okay, so this bit of the plan may need a bit more work, ie, how to actually work the whole aspect into the day)
d) be gracious when Lydia claims all of the credit for the fantastic food, venue, balloons (again, this may need a bit more work, I don't usually do gracious)
e) stick close to Bea on the day itself in the vain hope that I absorb some of her poise, graciousness, serenity and calm by osmosis.
f) breathe deeply. At all times.

18 comments:

Potty Mummy said...

You could always get one of those bags printed with a photo of your wedding to tote around?

Merry said...

Oooh, Potty Mummy always has the sneakiest ideas.

You guys have DJs at a christening? (Well, I assume he's not actually at the church, right? Hopefully?) Does this mean that the baby will be dancing?

aims said...

Yeah Potty Mummy! Do it Nunhead Mum!

You know - when it's a year later and you're done making David pay for the haircut - things won't look as bad as they do now. So of course you have nothing to worry about.

I'm thinking sticking out a foot as Amelia walks by so she breaks a toe might be a great thing to add to your list. That would put her out of the pic for a good long while wouldn't it? or - would you then have to babysit her? Yegads...think that through.

Good luck fair lady. You're NOT going to need it. You've got them conquered already!

The Dotterel said...

Sounds like a plan...

Bush Mummy said...

Good plan.. throw money at the problem and treat yourself to every treatment going.. You'll look fabulous and hey, look who's married to him now eh?

Courage mon brave.

BM x

Crystal Jigsaw said...

Sounds like a good excuse to treat yourself. I just know you'll have a great time!

CJ xx

逆円助 said...

さあ、今夏も新たな出会いを経験してみませんか?当サイトは円助交際の逆、つまり女性が男性を円助する『逆円助交際』を提供します。逆円交際を未経験の方でも気軽に遊べる大人のマッチングシステムです。年齢上限・容姿・経験一切問いません。男性の方は無料で登録して頂けます。貴方も新たな出会いを経験してみませんか

精神年齢 said...

みんなの精神年齢を測定できる、メンタル年齢チェッカーで秘められた年齢がズバリわかっちゃう!かわいいあの子も実は精神年齢オバサンということも…合コンや話のネタに一度チャレンジしてみよう

メル友募集 said...

最近仕事ばかりで毎日退屈してます。そろそろ恋人欲しいです☆もう夏だし海とか行きたいな♪ k.c.0720@docomo.ne.jp 連絡待ってるよ☆

家出 said...

最近TVや雑誌で紹介されている家出掲示板では、全国各地のネットカフェ等を泊り歩いている家出娘のメッセージが多数書き込みされています。彼女たちはお金がないので掲示板で知り合った男性の家にでもすぐに泊まりに行くようです。あなたも書き込みに返事を返してみませんか

動物占い said...

あなたの性格を、動物に例えて占っちゃいます。もしかしたらこんな動物かも!?動物占いをうまく使って、楽しい人間関係を築いてください

家出 said...

家出中の女性や泊まる所が無い女性達がネットカフェなどで、飲み放題のドリンクで空腹を満たす生活を送っています。当サイトはそんな女性達をサポートしたいという人たちと困っている女性たちの為のサイトです

セレブラブ said...

セレブ女性との割り切りお付き合いで大金を稼いでみませんか?女性に癒しと快楽、男性に謝礼とお互い満たしあえる当サイト、セレブラブはあなたの登録をお待ちしております。

夏フェス!! said...

夏フェス一緒に行ってくれる人募集!!夏の思い出一緒につくろぉ☆ megumi-0830@docomo.ne.jp 連絡してね♪

無料ゲーム said...

あなたのゲーマー度を無料ゲーム感覚で測定します。15個の質問に答えるだけの簡単測定で一度遊んでみませんか?ゲームが得意な人もそうでない人もぜひどうぞ。

素人 said...

Hな女性たちは素人ホストを自宅やホテルに呼び、ひとときの癒しを求めていらっしゃいます。当サイトでは男性ホスト様の人員が不足しており、一日3~4人の女性の相手をするホストもおられます。興味を持たれた方は当サイトにぜひお越しください

出会い系 said...

実は出会い系には…関係者用入り口があるのを知っていますか?広告主やスポンサー用に用意されたIDではサクラや業者が立ち入ることが出来ないようになっているのです。当サイトでは極秘に入手した関係者用URLが公開されています

逆援助 said...

男性はお金、女性は快楽を得る逆援助に興味はありませんか?お金を払っても性的欲求を満たしたいセレブ達との割り切り1日のお付き合いで当サイトでは大金を得ることができます。無料登録なのでアルバイト感覚でOK、詳しくはTOPページでどうぞ。

All about me

My photo
Nunhead, London, United Kingdom
I'm a mum of one, wife of one and owner to several dogs, a variety of breeds and sizes. I live in the up and coming area (or so they say) of Nunhead and have mad neighbours, strange friends and certifiable relatives. I shop locally, although I do defect to Sainsburys once a week - shoot me now local shopkeepers.