Checklist

Turkeys purchased: two

Collection date of turkeys: tomorrow

Reasons why Bea is no longer hosting Christmas Day: plentiful (and verging on ridiculous)

Guests for Christmas Dinner: 22

Number of guests I do not personally know: 3 (Bea's sister in law, her husband and child)

Number of chairs currently in house: 6

Number of chairs to therefore source: 16

Number of people to offer chairs: 0

Number of times David has said "why are we doing this?": too many to contemplate

Presents wrapped: 4

Presents still to wrap: unsure, David currently locked away in bedroom with sellotape, gift tags, wrapping paper rolls and multiple paper cuts
Cards written: all except David (gold star for achievement)

David's "helpful" suggestions: lots

Number of David's "helpful" suggestions put into place: two (both involve his mother and are in the whole Keeping Her Away From Me area)

Last minute Christmas shopping purchased: sending David out to Sainsbury's in the Bleak Midwinter at 2am tomrrow morning

Festive thoughts from self: minimal

Family row: brewing

Number of times Auntie Ivy has expressed dislike for sprouts: 7 and increasing

Number of sprouts Auntie Ivy will find on her plate if she doesn't stop it: at least 12

Number of bottles of wine in utility room: 8 red, 8 white, 2 rose

Number of bottles of wine hidden for Cook's Treat: 1 red, in cupboard with Comfort and Ariel liquid

Presents still to buy: something for Bea's sister in law, husband and child

Helpful suggestions thereof from Bea: none

Number of suggestions thereof from David: one very good one "just get them a big box of chocolates to share"

Details of defrosting times for pork joint: unknown

Date and time of Amelia's arrival: 24th of December at approximately 9.17am

Date of my certain meltdown: 24th of December at approximately 9.20am

Number of times Mac's face has lit up whenever he hears the words "presents", "Santa", "reindeer" and "Christmas Eve": countless

Thoughts that this is therefore all worth it: growing