The Canadians are coming.....

…..on Saturday evening and I’m panicking. We’ve been in touch sporadically as they traverse their way around the British Isles and so far, so good……my plans to keep them occupied are going down very well. Lorna is particularly excited about going round the Tower of London and having her picture taken with a Beefeater. The one thing they’ve vetoed is the trip on the Thames on Sunday – Don “vomited spectacularly on the Norfolk Broads” and the words “boat and “trip” put together are enough to get his nausea rising again. So, a whole day stretches emptily ahead, not ideal for their first proper day in dear old London town. I tried to get Bea to bring forward the family party, planned originally for Saturday the 8th and she went into total meltdown.

“I cannot, simply cannot, ask Alfonso to bring forward his beautiful menu a whole week – these things have to be planned darling and he’s a very busy man, we were lucky to get him at such short notice, normally you have to book months in advance. He’s only doing this as a personal favour so no, I can’t ask if he can make it the 2nd instead of the 8th. He’d have a breakdown of epic proportions and South East London would be denied the use of a premiere caterer”

The poor woman sounded at the end of her tether. I pointed out that she sounded tense which set her off on another rant. It transpires that Enormous Au Pair, horrified at the fact that Bea has requested that Sainsburys, Tescos and Waitrose blacklist her internet account with them and booked her an appointment with a dietician, rang her parents and told them she was being “mistreated” by her employers. As a result of this "hysterical" phone call, Ma and Pa are booking a flight out of Buenos Aires and are arriving on Thursday of this week. “They not a’happy you a’doing thees thing to they beloved only daughter!” EAP hissed to Bea this morning when she gave her the flight details and a list of their favourite foods.

For not only has EAP set her parents onto my beloved sister, she expects said beloved sister to arrange to transport them from Heathrow airport and accommodate them for the duration. I suggested to Bea that she dropped in on her way home from work for a catch up but she declined gracefully as she's got to do a bulk on-line order.