Of Vicars and Tarts

Read this.......and have a box of tissues at the ready. I used to work at that "south London primary care trust" and remember the day that Sonja came into that meeting. I didn't know the full story at the time and it wasn't until much later (much, much later) that I even heard even the smallest snippet of information that was filed in my memory bank under "miscellaneous".

I was read this article over the phone by one of my colleagues this evening and boy, does it put things into perspective.

Five

I've been trawling through my emails today - to be fair I started yesterday and have finally caught up. I got a good one from work (well, several actually but I couldn't possibly share the contents in cyber space and I'm quite sure you wouldn't find the fact that Melanie from Catering's face lift failed and she "now looks like Jabba the Hut". Anyway. As I'm a sucker for things like this I thought I'd offer this tasty little morsel for you all to enjoy. You can be as selective as you like (Bea listed Harrods food hall for section two) but honesty is always the best policy and it must be about you!

Five things you have on your bathroom shelves

1. A healthy selection of Philosophy shower gels/bath lotions
2. Pantene shampoo

3. Shaving foam

4. Egg timer

5. Glass penguin

Five things you have in your fridge

1. Milk

2. Leftover lamb

3. Half a tub of Boursin

4. Half a bottle of Yop (raspberry)

5. Pitta breads

Five things you have in your handbag

1. Mobile

2. Half a pack of polos

3. Security ID for work

4. Manky old till receipts

5. Philosophy Cherry Cola Lipgloss

Five DVDs you have in your collection

1. Peter Kay Live at the Bolton Albert Halls

2. Dirty Dancing

3. Jaws box set

4. Meet The Parents/Meet the Fockers

5. Open Water

Five CDs you have in your collection

1. Kylie

2. R&B Collection

3. Nelly Furtado

4. The Saturdays

5. Oasis

Five authors/books you have on your shelves

1. Martina Cole

2. Jilly Cooper

3. Haunted London

4. Emma Gold

5. Jane Green

Five things you have eaten today/plan to eat today

1. Toast

2. Jaffa cake

3. BLT sandwich from Ayres

4. Peach

5. Banana

Five things you've done today/plan to do today

1. Did washing

2. Ironed Davids work shirts for rest of the week

3. Daydreamed about our holiday

4. Walked dogs

5. Plan to watch Confessions of a Shopaholic later

Funky Lunch

We're having great fun today - we've made a cake for afternoon tea with Auntie Bea and now we've got a couple of slices of bread, some ham, cheese, cherry tomatoes, cucumber, celery, mini babybels and some carrots. I want to make an Alekesander the Meerkat but Mac wants to create "a farm mummy". I like that he's ambitious!

Check this out for some fun sarnies!

Oink oink

Things I have eaten today:

• bacon sandwich
• half a packet of blackcurrant fruit pastilles
• slice of watermelon
• punnet of cherries
• six murray mints
• three custard creams
• packet of Cheese and Onion McCoys
• sweet and sour chicken and rice
• some of David's chicken with mushroom
• a nectarine
• a slice of toast with honey
• two digestives
• slice of (cold) cherry pie
• a banana
• half a Twix
• three Rolos
  

I'm comfort eating. My pride and boy has all but left home. Deserted us. Headed for the hills. Preferring the company of others. All this has conspired me to feel as useful as a knickers on a halibut and a Failure As A Mother. Amelia claims she "saw this coming" and is crowing that she was "right all along". This was all said to David natch and relayed to me with weary resignation but I'm all for ringing her up and demanding to know exactly which bit of witchery she is using to back up her wild claims.

After his long weekend away with Ben and his parents (which was supposed to end on Monday but some how stretched to Wednesday) he returned home to ditch his dirty washing, elaborate on the delights of Camber Sands "we saw a big crab mummy, huge. It was dead though" and sift through the invitations for the remainder of the week. I'm exaggerating slightly on the last claim - I felt honour bound to give him his options for fear that if I didn't those people doing the inviting would either feel miffed about the lack of RSVP or grass me up to my child and he'd hate me forever.

So. Thursday he went to Legoland with Queen Bee Mummy, six other children and three au-pairs. On Friday he had the morning at home before heading to Bea's for an afternoon of puppet making culminating in the Dulwich Puppet Show on Saturday morning. Back home for a quick bit of fatherly bonding whilst watching Millwall play Southampton while I fretted at the kitchen table that I was either a) rearing a child who was so confident and so at ease in all manner of different situations that he was happy to leave me or b) such an awful Shouty Mother that he was desperate to get out and experience Nice Mummies - Queen Bee Mummy is, apparently, "booful and smells nice".

Today he has been resting for tomorrow he's heading to Diggerland with a host of chums (another outing organised by Queen Bee Mummy) and which is somewhere he "alwaaaaaaaaaays" wanted to go yet somewhere I have neglected to take him.

I feel like a spare part and have been repeatedly mentally slapping myself around the mush for feeling this way. "You should be pleased he's not a Mummy's Boy" David pointed out to me earlier. I am. I think. No. I am. And I'm not worried really, just mithering for the sake of mithering. David, however, is panicking somewhat. He was talking to Matthew just before I dived into the fruitbowl this evening and came off the phone looking a tidge green. "Darling, ahahahahaha! Matt's just said something realllllllly funny! He said that I'd better watch you don't start getting broody again now that Mac isn't a baby any more! And that you might want another one to fill the gap!!!! Isn't that funny? Darling? Hahaha? Funny yes?"

For devilment I gave him a coy look and reached for a handy Mothercare catalogue as left by Janey.

It's actually cheered me up a bit I think!