Valentine Inventory

So far I've heard that:

Bea got two dozen red roses and a Tiffany necklace.

Charlie got two cards from secret admirers, a box of chocolates from the "geeky guy in Obstetrics" and a hot look from the sexy Emergency Department consultant.

Saskia got a card, six phone numbers from the Singles Night she was at on Thursday in Canary Wharf and "some greasy git giving me puppy eyes all night".

Janey got "lucky - Darren took one look at my return to my former self and dragged me upstairs".

Lydia got a card, some freesias, a DVD of Open Water, a bar of Cadburys Fruit and Nut and "not a wink of sleep"

Marjorie got a card the size of Wales, a lemon tree, chocolate body paint and a kitten she's called Nero.

Jane Opposite got "f*** all, he don't do Valentines Day, tight git"

My mother in law received a card and a bouquet of flowers that she's paraded around the residential home so much all the petals have drooped.

Jack Next Door got a card and an invitation to dinner "one night" in Sevenoaks.

I'm happy to report that I did just as well as those listed above and, if you'd excuse me, am just off to get ready for a lovely meal out with my wonderful husband.

Dear cupid!